Sunday, October 24, 2010

And Then Plans Change

I had the most amazing time in China. And maybe I'll write about my trip more later... or maybe I won't. But you know when you finally feel as though everything is falling into place? As if "that thing" you've been wanting or wanting to do... you know,  the "thing" you sometimes can't figure out, and "it" makes you anxious and you keep searching for "it" and you work to find "it" and then suddenly you do"it" and you don't question "it" anymore?

(I apologize for this rumble jumble mess. I'm too lazy to put my thoughts into concrete sentences that actually make logical sense) But I hope you do understand....

Well, for those two months in China, I was doing "that thing." The "thing" that settled my "it." (Okay I promise I'll seriously stop....) In plain terms, I finally got to do the work that I love, while traveling and experiencing culture shock and forming wonderful friendships with amazing people all around the world.

I had been thinking of all the possible countries I wanted to go to in November.  You know, a market fitting for me and where its not too cold and perhaps with no snow... good idea, right? I met some agents and bookers and one in particular who offered to help place me somewhere with a 3-6 month contract. All was good and going as planned and my spirit was high.

And then I returned from my altered reality to my home in NYC, and to the one I missed the most... my kitty!

And here she is helping me blog. (Or rather wondering what on earth would possess me to pay more attention to a computer than to her pretty little face)

And yet I returned to a kitty who suddenly was throwing up at least twice a day. And after two weeks or so of praying that it was nothing, just the stress of me being gone, I took her to the vet where I was informed she has mast cell tumors aggressively destroying her body.

 And so now my kitty who I love, (and my God do I love her dearly... in a really annoying "I talk about my cat and to my cat and sing pop songs to my cat constantly" kind of way), who I thought I would have for at least another 8 years or so, now only has less than a year or perhaps less than 6 months to live.

And so my plans have changed.

I am disheartened because of the obvious, and also the worry of me aging out of the modeling industry before I fully get what I want from it is always in the back of my mind. Its like I got a taste of what I finally wanted and now I can't pursue it.  And yes, I know there's no stopping me from traveling again once my cat is gone... but that thought right now just makes me so sad.

And so what have my plans changed to?

Well I still say... screw the snow and the 14 degrees (feels like 8 degrees with wind chill I need more Vitamin D and I don't want to leave my apartment ever and wearing all these layers is so freaking annoying) kind of weather.

 Kitty and I are coming home to California!!

I'm not particularly happy about it, but it will be a nice change to be home for a little while. And if any of you by chance have a place where kitty and I can rent for a few months in LA please let me know....

And just an update, kitty is getting both conventional and holistic treatment and throwing up has stopped and she is as active and affectionate as ever.  I know things can change suddenly overnight, and most likely will, but for now all is good.

Have any of you ever had to change your plans and it worked out for the better? Please tell. I'm hoping that will be the case!

6 comments:

  1. Big Hugs Kristin. Big, big hugs.

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  2. Love you, love your kitty. And you never know how things will work out. All you have to do is do your best, day to day. The rest will take care of itself.

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  3. well i'll tell u this...when i came back from new york from my film making course i was doing a lot of theatre and short films,acting and directing wanting to work in the film industry.i was supposed to start assisting this well known director and then for a gazillion reasons the project kept getting postponed..and i waited for it wondering what to do with myself. and then out of no where i got a scholorship from this dance company that i am training with right now..and i have been for a little over a year now...one of the most enriching experiences of my life. i love to dance and even though i still get confused about where i really want to be its one of the best things that happened to me. things have a strange way of working out. Sometimes different actually is better. Don't loose faith and hope.Your reasons for changing your plans are very honourable,for the lack of a better word. You are doing it for someone you love and that can never be a wrong decision .lots of love and hugs :)

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  4. I'll keep my ear to the ground and see if anyone needs a house-sitter/temp roomie.

    Tell your kitty that I hope she gets better soon. Vet trips are no fun (I just spent $300 on one last week.)

    To do what you do for love... is the best reason to do something. Plans will change all the time but our relationships (and how we honor them) define us.

    Hugs and love, cutie.

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  5. Hey!

    It's never easy seeing a loved one in pain, be it they human or a furry friend. And sudden changes of best laid plans can indeed be disheartening.

    After I had finished my undergrad degree, all I wanted to do was to go back home and live in my hometown for a while. I had spent three years away from home and was sick of constantly changing places. Just for a while I wanted to be somewhere familiar with familiar faces and some stability.

    Instead, to make a long story short, I moved to the other side of the world - quite literally and by now EVERYTHING has changed. I've changed my profession, from one that I was feeling anywhere between bored and so-so about, to one that I LOVE and hope to do for the rest of my life. I met the love of my life, we had a baby and made a home for ourselves.

    As difficult as a forced change of plans can be, especially when you believe your plans are IT, I believe the universe knows best where you are supposed to be. You just have to have faith and keep your eyes and mind open and good things will come your way. That might not be what you expected or thought you'd hoped for but they might be just as amazing.

    I hope all goes well for you in California and you and your kitty get to spend many wonderful moments together.

    Warmest wishes,
    Anita

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  6. Kristin, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor kitty and how your plans have changed. Since I live in California myself, I can tell you that the sunshine out here and warmth will be a welcome release from the snow and cold in NY.
    I had some life plans change for myself when I graduated from college. Initially I moved to San Francisco to pursue working for a women's philanthropic group, but had to leave my dream behind when I found out they wouldn't pay me anything for 3 months and after that, it was highly unlikely I'd make a survivable wage. I moved back to LA county to live with some friends and got a job as a copywriter so in the end everything did work out. Maybe not how I imagined it, but you know what? It was better than I imagined. I'm sure you'll land some modeling gigs out here, just check out the scene and see what works for you and what you like!

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